Time

Since today is my first day back at school, and back into routine, I thought I talk about time. Time is something that every human needs to deal with for every second they live. It's scary and exciting. Time is the only thing I have absolute faith in. I know that no matter what I do, or what anyone else does (excluding Daleks and The Doctor) time will keep on ticking.

I came home from school and found it to be extremely difficult to start working. I was tired and just done. But I pushed myself to run on my treadmill for ten minutes before my body collapsed and then I really felt tired. I took one of those half-naps, where you are kinda asleep, but then half an hour passes and something wakes you up, and you remember you have shit to do. I still didn't want to start my homework, so I fiddled with my guitar for an hour. After, I did my english. I needed a break between my english homework and my spanish and french, so I thought it'd be a good opportunity to get day 43 done during that time. I still need to take a picture of it for my blog, but I filmed myself drawing a shoe, and the video should be up by the time I finish writing this. This is also part of my language procrastination. Really, I'm just too lazy to walk all the way upstairs to try and get my printer to work so I can do my french, and my spanish homework is online, and normally online homeworks don't take me too long. People think the class should be easy for me, given my knowledge of the language, but it really isn't. Most of what we do is work, that would be time consuming even if it were in english. It is easier to understand in class, and I speak better than most, but but's not like I have some secret edge that allows to finish my homework twice as fast as anybody else. It's time consuming, which isn't a bad thing at all, but it goes back to the idea of time. I know that if I were giving spanish the same effort I give towards art, I'd be a scholar of the language by now, just because I know what I need to de to get better at the language, and it's not really that hard, but it's annoying. I used to watch spanish tv, and during that time my vocabulary, pronunciation, understanding all went up at a rate I'd never seen before. I know that if I picked up a book in Spanish and read it cover to cover I'd come out much smarter, but to do that would require time that I don't have.

I am passionate right now. I am very interested in a lot things, and I'm going through a period of self motivation that I've never experienced before, and sometimes I feel that school gets in the way. I don't feel smarter after this school day. You give that day to me, to let me do what I wanted to, and I'd have painted, drawn, practiced my guitar, learn more coding, and probably write a blog post twice the size of this one. It's not that I don't like school, it's just that I don't want to be limited by what the school would make me do. If my days could be longer, school could be more tolerable, but now it feels like a huge, annoying obligation, like having to visit that side of the family, whose names you can't even remember because you see them once a year. My time feels precious, especially since my youth makes every second feel longer than it actually is.

I want to got to a precollege art program this summer. It's something I've wanted to do for a while now. Really, I just want a time where I dedicate myself to only art for a few weeks. I learned basically all of French 1 in a two week intensive at FIAF. It's incredible what one can do with their time. I want to have a similar experience with art. It's been forty-three days since I got serious with art, and I sometimes scroll through my work and am surprised with how far I've gone in just a month and a half. But I know for a fact that I'm still not devoting the same amount of time that I could be. At FIAF it was a three hour daily class, with about an hour of homework/review a night. That's four hours a day doing something. Today I spend exactly 32 minutes drawing(I know because I was filming myself). Imagine where I could get if I could spend four hours a day drawing and painting.