Another Thing. This is Going to Become a Normal Thing So Yeah

My draft folder in my blog is getting progressively larger and larger. The same thing used to happen when I was in middle, except it was with bad poetry. I used to be signed up onto this website where a bunch of people shared their poetry. It was mostly middle aged adults but I participated in that website. I forget the name but the last time I check the website was deleted. I remember actually being part of that community though. Random people would read my poetry and comment. Mostly they just said how amazing it is that a twelve year old could write like I did, but honestly what I wrote wasn't that great. I remember that the website gave out prizes to certain poets. If you got a high enough score, because the viewers could score your poetry, and if enough people bothered to score your poem, then judges would read them and then give out prizes. I never actually read the other peoples poetry though. I would give everyone a 10/10 that would comment on my page because I felt special that they bothered to look at my page. I remember bragging about my "followers" to my sister because should would envy me because on her blog for STAC, no one would read it. Later that year I tried to start a 365 after watching Julie & Julia, where Julie Powell cooks every recipe in Julia Child's cookbook in a year, and I wanted to do something like that, except with poetry, so I did. I lasted about a month before I forgot a day, and then I would forget another and another and eventually I just stopped completely. I don't even remember the name of the page. I do remember that I would pressure all of my friends to read it and comment because I wanted to become Internet famous.
I sent in my application for an internship with an organization called Transportation Alternatives. You could Google them to find out some more info about what they do, but they seem like a really cool organization, and I'm not just saying that because they might eventually read my blog, but I seriously think that these guys are cool. Anyway, I really want them to give me an interview because I know that I could dazzle them if I don't get too shy. I really want that interview though. It would give me an opportunity to try and show off how awesome I am. I always wanted to be in a situation like an interview because I know what to do now. I know how it is I'm supposed to present myself and I know not to say "like" and I know how to dress.
When my mother drops me off in  morning she normally tells me some advise the pertains to me doing better in school. They always sounded the same, except this morning she said "do well in school, it is your ticket out of here". I am very public with my dislike of suburbia so my mother knows and she is trying to convince me that the only way to not end up in the suburbs is to study. I don't why this struck me but it did. I don't want to stay in the house when I get older, but I don't think that studying will ensure that. It isn't the first time she'd said something like that. I really want to yell out that I'll find a man to support me. It would piss her off so much. That is the only issue that my mother has with my sexuality, I mean she doesn't like it when I talk about drag, but I'm not a drag queen so there isn't much argument because I'm not constantly dressing up like a woman. My mother hates the idea that I am a bottom. Tops and bottoms are more than just sexual positions, they're a lifestyle. Every relationship needs a "top" because he or she is the one that takes charge. Most of the time in straight relationships the man is the "top" and the female is the "bottom" and so my mother had been raising me to be a good "top". She always emphasized making sure that I help doors open for women and treated women with a lot of respect.  The reason she did this is because she was trying to morph me into the husband that she'd want for the next girl. So now that I am gay and a bottom, all of my mother's efforts had been destroyed. This isn't because I'm gay though, it is because I like the idea of having a boy hold the doors open for me and it is attractive to me to see a guy who takes charge. I never discussed sex with my parents. They have been talking about it with me as if I had known what it was ever since I was born. They had been telling that if I ever had sex to use a condom, before I knew what a condom was. I used to get condom and a condo mixed up. I thought that  they were the same thing for a a little, so imagine how confusing when my aunt is telling me that she is considering living in a condo. I knew that a condom was used for sex so I was really confused why she would tell me this. I had to learn sex on my own. I had to figure out what it was all by myself. I never had a relationship where I could talk to someone about my sexual issues because there was never anyone close enough that I trusted. I think I might have some attention disorder because I cant focus on one thing before I just jump to the next. I am honestly just writing down everything that I think about in my head. As I type it all of it becomes way more clear. I don't really read these over for grammar or spelling mistakes and I know I should, but if I do then I just get discouraged about writing. Tomorrow is the field trip to the city, so tonight I don't have to do any homework. So I might just type all night. I could. It isn't very hard. I am thinking about things constantly, especially on days like this because I don't have anything better to do. Ellen's blog posts are really long so I never finish reading them. I have that issue with things. I never really get into books because my mind can't focus on the same thing for too long. I like to read articles though. I have the NY Times app on my phone and I read a lot of articles from there. I get alerts from it whenever something important happens in the news. I knew about the Boston Bombings a few minutes after it happened. The thing is that I never take any of the news alerts seriously until everyone starts talking about them, because I get an alert almost everyday about some place someplace in the world getting bombed. I read an article about 200 civilian dead in Africa this morning and no one is talking about that the way they did for the Boston Bombings. I think I'll end this here. Thank you for reading.