Recently I purchased a standing mirror, because Egon Schiele had one and I thought that it would be a good investment. Honestly, it was. I've realized recently that there are different moods to when I create art, and I make different products in those different moods. Whenever I am in Ganes' class, and in most cases drawing from imagination, I am not focused, and the work I make is shows that. Because these pieces are worked on for for weeks, but only for about half and hour a day, they seem all over the place, and there is a lot more detail on the mindless work that I hate. Like for a piece I'm working on now,  I am using reflective paper and attaching it to my piece to look like a broken mirror. It's work I would never do at home, and it's very time consuming. The feeling I get with the mirror is very different. I start something and then I have to finish it. My mind goes to a place that it doesn't in a classroom, and the work I make, I like more. Really, I don't like working anyplace besides my room. I need a certain environment to get that feeling that creates work I like. And I need time. Just because I have an hour of free time, doesn't mean I can just spent it drawing. I realize that I don't start actually getting good, and getting that feeling I like unless I've been working for at least an hour or two. It's complicated to explain, but it's like a spectrum. I can only create a certain type of work at the beginning of my drawing, and only after that can I really get focused and do the work I like.
I've been working a lot on my portfolio lately. I hate all the bullshit besides that. There is so much I have to do besides my art to go to school which really doesn't make sense to me. I wish I could run away and work on art for a month without anyone bothering me. There are things I want to learn but it always feels like there is something in my way that is preventing me from learning those things. What's the point of being a student if you have that problem. My job is to learn, but right now, it feels like my job is to fill out forms and sit through useless classes. Even this year, I spent so much time trying to create a perfect schedule, but I still find the same problems. I'm not learning French and Spanish at the speed I want to, art class is basically a lunch period without food, and english, economics and health are things to fill time. It doesn't feel like I'm learning anything, and that makes me angry. That's why I'm excited for college. No matter where I end up going, all the schools I'm applying to have foundation years. Spending a year just drawing and designing is what I long for. My average day is waking up at six, sit through classes all day, spend four hours a work, and then come home and do my homework for two hours. I can't learn if my life feels like a wheel turing the same way everyday. Weekends save me. I can paint and draw, while I listen to french and spanish music and that teaches me more than everything else I do.