It's normal for people to observe others. We are constantly looking at each other, making judgements and creating opinions based on them, but it is rare that we can actually do this with ourselves. We rarely see ourselves for the people that we are. Sometimes when I am laying in bed I kind of detach myself from my body. I forget who I am because I am thinking about something so much bigger than myself, but that is the closest I've ever got to lot being me. The other day I was watching the footage from the day I spent filming randomness with Katherine and Matt that I talked about yesterday, and I realized that I am a weird kid. I was looking at all of he mannerisms that I have, and that I don't notice that I do. I was critiquing my whole essence and it was today, as I'm sitting in chemistry writing a blog post that I start to pay attention to everything I do. I started to imagine what if a camera was watching me judging me the same way that I was when I looked at myself on camera. I think I'm weird, and when I looked at myself I felt that I don't really know who I am. This is going to be a short post, I just a thought I'd type in between periods because there was nothing better to do.
I'm in Spanish class now. I've been noticing that I bite my pen a lot, I wonder if it looks weird when I do that. Other people do it and I don't notice it as something weird on them when they do it, but maybe I knaw on my pen, because I was chewing it pretty vigorously in math. I'm not trying to change myself, but today I'm just going to observe myself.
In social studies I realized that I don't talk much. I used to talk all the time in the past in social studies, I remember calling out all the answers and I felt so smart when I would, but now I don't anymore. I still know all the answers, but I don't get that satisfaction of answering a question correctly anymore. And I never had any questions, and if I did I would just answer it myself. So now I barely say a word in soc.