Decisions

So today I got two emails. Both were acceptance letters, the first from Pratt, which I got in the middle of my Man's Inhumanity to Man class and just now, I checked my email again and Syracuse University sent me an acceptance email. So now I am in a point where I loved to be in, but also where I hate to be. Rochester Institute of Technology is my favorite school. I've spent hours finding out everything I can about all these schools, and RIT is my favorite because it has everything I want in a school, and nothing I don't want. I hate to be in this position because now I actually have to consider these other schools. Decision is hard and if I was denied by these schools my choice would have been so much easier. Each school is generally the same if we want to consider ranking of my program. There are so many places that rank schools and these three are all very good schools for Industrial Design.
I applied to other schools, but I wouldn't want to go to those. Even if I get into Carnegie Mellon or RISD, I do not like their philosophy on education. Schools like those are elitist, and even though none of these schools are cheap, I don't want to go to a school that invests in rich students to become successful. And education wise, I am sure that Carnegie Mellon isn't extraordinarily better than Syracuse. In fact, from what I've seen through my own research, RIT is probably going to give me the best education because it's one of the only schools where the focus is diverse and includes a lot more math and science classes, which even though I probably won't enjoy, will be better for me.
Pratt was my original favorite school. I loved being in Brooklyn because being a student in NYC felt right for me, but after spending a lot of time thinking about it, I decided that Pratt was probably not going to be good for me. I visited the school and spent time with my friend Michelle Marin, and she gave me an unofficial tour of the campus. It's a great looking school, tiny, but pretty, but after seeing the people there, I didn't feel comfortable. I don't want to be surrounded by artists. I also don't want to be that close to home. If my parents can get to me within ten minutes from where they work, which is the case with where my father works, I don't want to be there. I don't want everyone at my school to be like me, which sounds weird to say, but it's true. It's the same reason I didn't want to go to Purchase. Everyone there is the weird kid in high school, and I'm not about that.
That's why I turned my attention to Syracuse. I loved its size and it's Industrial Design program was great because it was separate from the rest of the art program. I would be with other ID kids, and be in a campus where there were a lot of things happening, and I loved that. But the school has a big Greek community. It's the number one party school in the country, which really doesn't bother me, but it's something to keep in mind. Location wise, it's great. It's far, and it's cold. I like the cold and I like being far.
RIT had been an option longer than any school I applied to. It had my program and I applied there almost forgetting that I had. I lumped it together with Syracuse because they're both upstate and they both have orange as a school color. But after I started to do more research into it, I realized that it was a great fit for me. It's a school for nerds. The way I see it is that it just like a normal run-of-the-mill university, but with a lot more nerdy kids. And that has a lot of advantages for me. As an ID student, it means being in an environment where design is taken in as a technology tool rather than an extension of art. It means that I will be working with engineers and computer science majors and I would have the best equipment. I could chill with artists and work with geeks. I feel that RIT is where I can excel at most.
Industrial designers are judged on their portfolio. That's how you get jobs and success. So, the school I go to, even though it has importance, isn't as important as how good I get at what I want to do. RIT, i feel, is going to leave me with a better portfolio when I graduate, and that's the main reason I want to go there.

RIT

So I just got my acceptance letter to RIT today. This has probably been one of the most relieving things to happen to me in a long time. This was the first school that got back to me that I submitted a portfolio to and it is also one of my favorite schools that I applied to. RIT is making huge advances in their design programs to try and merge design and technology which is really where I want to be. They recently opened a new building called the Vignelli Design Center, and the Vignellis are my biggest design idols. Having their name attached to the school makes me want to study there even more.
Deciding what school to go to is going to be tough, but I am starting to think that RIT is where I might get the best education for industrial design because the focus of the school isn't on art. Everyone there is sort of working towards furthering the world technologically. Being surrounded by video game designers and computer science majors is a totally different experience than being surrounded by only artists.  
When I went to the portfolio day at Purchase College and showed my work to the RIT people, they were the most critical, so I was actually a bit surprised that it was the first school to get back to me. It's a huge confidence booster because now my portfolio feels justified because a school has accepted it. I wasn't expecting to get any notification from RIT until March, because that is when they said they'd get back. I am still waiting on other schools, but right now, RIT is one of my favorites. What makes it great is the focus the school has on computers and technology. The feeling I get from schools like Pratt and Parsons is that design is this extension of art. I was watching a video of the President of RIT talking about the school and the way he addressed design was through a more progressive view. He saw it as a way to enhance technology, not as a spin-off of art.

Colleges

So I've started to hear back from a couple of schools. All the CUNY schools have been sending me stuff, but i don't know if i got into Macaulay Honors until March. New Paltz got back to me today, and I was thinking about my future a bit more. The reason why I applied to New Paltz and Macaulay Honors was because I was scared that maybe I didn't want to study what I had originally planned to in the beginning of the year, industrial design. The thing is, i still do, but I also have found a passion for so many other things. What I am scared of now is being limited because I am in a specialized program. At an art school, most of my curriculum is already pre-decided, and I don't know if I like that. There are still so many things I want to learn, and I am actually starting to consider going to New Paltz because I wouldn't have to be declared until a while into my college career. I could take the computer science classes I've been dying to, I could finally get the start on German I need and I could continue getting fluent in French. I could take art classes too, and feel more in control of what my future might be.
It's hard because I didn't think that I'd ever get to this point. I hadn't even considered that the feeling to not go to art school would be as strong as it is. I want to spend a year drawing and designing, but not if that means spending a year not being allowed to study everything else I want to learn. Going into art school would narrow my options, but not going wouldn't allow me those options that I also want. I can't get a linguistics degree from Pratt just as I can't get an industrial design degree from New Paltz. Also, economically, going to art school is statistically not as wise of an investment. It costs more and the jobs you get after aren't any better. Economics and finance have become a huge part of my life, and I have even thought about minoring in it if I had the option.
Also, I've been thinking about the people I will meet. Artists are interesting and fun people, but they offer a narrow perspective on many things. I love linguists because their lives are focused on learning the perspective of other's through their language. Computer Science guys also have a totally different view on the world than artists. I don't want where I go to school to limit the types of people I will interact with. I want to have it all, and that's not always possible. I have a decision to make, and I don't have to make it now, but I will soon, and I need to think about it more.
Also, a side note, the reason I haven't been blogging much in the past couple months is because I started journaling. I found that it's a much better place to organize my thoughts because I don't have any filters. I can write whatever I want and on a blog I can't because it is public. I think everyone should keep a personal journal. All of the issues I'm going through are recorded and I can look back and think about what I should do.

Language

For the past few years of my life I have taken up a serious fascination with language. After learning French my mind totally opened up to a different way of thinking and it's a feeling that is indescribable. I've come to the point now where I realize that language is something that I am going to pursue for the rest of my life. I'm not just going to wake up one morning and decide that I don't want to speak French or Spanish. And the thought that I need to be forever taking classes to keep up with the languages is also crazy because these languages have become part of my daily life.

I feel a great stress lifted off of my shoulders now that I have applied to college. So I've decided that I would embark on a new goal for myself. It's not really a new goal as much as it is embracing the goals I had already set out. Language is going to be my life for the rest of my high school career. I have dreamed about being a polyglot since I was in middle school, and now that I am only a language away from being one, I decided to learn a new language. Actually, I've decided to learn two. Dutch and German are beautiful languages. They are perfectly in sync with what I have already been learning, and the similarities between the two, and with english, is incredible. I don't expect to become fluent in these languages between now and the end of the school year, but I hope to create a strong base to work and live off of after. French showed me how learning language is about personal dedication and fun. Spanish taught me how living the language works so much better than memorizing vocabulary. Spanish is easy for me because I don't have to put much effort in practicing it because my family is always speaking it. French is all about me putting myself in situations where I have to use it. Yesterday I was texting a family friend in Switzerland about my plans to travel to Europe this summer. Everyday I listen to hours of French music just because that is what is on my playlists. I even talk to customers at The Bakery, where i work, in Spanish just so that I can practice.

What does language have to do with art? In my mind, art is another language that people can understand. We use art to communicate what language cannot. Art exists because language in itself is flawed. If I say, "Hi my name is Julian" all you can get from that is my name. If I showed you one of my self portraits or a short story I wrote about myself, you are able to understand who I am through that work. There is no phrase in any language that can do that like art.

My Job and Life

Having a job has taught me so much. I'm really understanding adulthood, budging, business, and responsibility in general. A year ago, I never thought that I'd have a job, and now that I do, it's nothing like I expected. 

Having money is the best part. It's something I really can't explain because it's so awesome. At least for me it is. I hate having to ask my parents for anything, and now, I really don't have to. If I need something, I can go and buy it. Two months ago when I bought a subscription to Spotify and I was terrified because I thought that my parents would get mad for me not consulting them. They didn't because it's my money. I choose that it's something I want to invest in because I hate having to buy and download all my music. But, it's more than small purchases like Spotify, I also have made pretty big purchases, and it has been my decision. This February, I'm going to Quebec with the French class. I saved up for four months and got enough to pay for myself. There is something so gratifying about being able to do that. No one could tell me that the trip was too expensive because I was paying for it. And, this summer, I'm going backpacking across Europe, and I'm saving all my money for that too. I can do the things I want to because I have the money for it. And I calculate how much I am allowed to spend out of what I make to still have enough. Taking economics now, during the first semester, has really helped with that. I realized that I have a lot of money, and spending it on stupid things just doesn't make sense. I can almost anything I want, but to have the things and experiences I really want, I need to be smart.

The shitty part is that I work a lot. Especially during the time I have off. Vacations aren't vacations because I have to work. Weekends aren't any better than schools days when I have an eight hour shift. My social life has dwindled, and my ability to produce art has also taken a hit. I love having a job, but I have having to go. It brings structure to my life, but being creative becomes difficult when I have to adhere to a schedule. That's where my thoughts bring me to the future. Having a job I can't stand being in isn't an option. I need a career that is as flexible as I am. 

I recently saw a documentary on the life and careers of Lella and Massimo Vignelli, and I envy them so much. They had the life I dream of. Their work was never boring or meaningless, it was never for a paycheck or stability. They did what they did because they loved design. I want a career where I can do what they did; getting paid to make something functional and beautiful. They have become my new idols in a way. Their foreign to the United States, which I admire because they're bilingual, and they're so intelligent. Listening to them talk is like having your mind blown every moment. They both died this year, and it's a shame that I'm just now discovering who my idols are right after they've died.

I think my life can be wonderful. Knowing how to spend my money and having a job that is fulfilling is all I need to be content. 

Beginnings

In my opinion, starting projects are normally the easiest part of the process. I never had a problem starting a project, and for me, I see problems seeing those projects through. I don't fear beginning something because when you first start something, you have nothing to ruin, but once you continue a project you have put a lot of effort into, it becomes difficult to make changes and finish it because of the fear of messing it up. I do, like most humans, have a level of procastination that I have to deal with. I put off starting the things I'm uncertain about because I fear getting myself into a situation where I have to deal with failure. I don't see this problem very much in my artwork because, but rather in my school work. I think that working on a piece of art allows for easy beginnings because of a relatively low level of preparation involved. Art is whatever you want it to be, so you can manage the fear far easier because the requirements are set by yourself. Writing a paper on a topic I know nothing about is scarier than starting a painting of a horse. I've never studied drawing horses, so after my first couple of sketches, I could realize that it'd be better in my ability to just draw it's head. With school work, you're expected to finish it within the parameters of what will get you a good grade, which is why I put off starting school projects.

Overall, beginning isn't a big fear of mine. I have started far more things than I've finished. If I am working and I can't finish a piece because I'm not comfortable with where it's going, I just stop working on it. That mentality allows me to continue to work without a fear of starting because I know that most of what I start won't be a fully realized piece. The fear of starting goes away when you know that most of what you're making isn't going to be present as a finished piece. 

I never push myself too far in regards to my art. I never set myself up for something that I don't think I can realistically do. This is especially evident in when I write plays and movie scripts. If I had it so that I was setting myself up to have to do very difficult things in movies, then starting would be much more scarier. The elevator movies we had to make are a great example. I wasn't thinking of a cool idea as much as I was thinking of a plausible idea. I wanted to make something that could be turned out quickly and easily. I knew that it'd be hard to cast boys so I wrote the script to have two girls, and I made it so that nearly anyone could have played the parts. The shots were all easy and could be changed quickly if they didn't work. Because of that, starting filming on Friday wasn't a problem for me at all because I knew that I could get it done. 

Fear

I've encountered my fair share of fear in my artistic process. Fear is something that every artist has to deal with because as much as it is a block for creating work, fear makes us human. One of the biggest things I've noticed about fear and work is that there is a lot more fear when your work is supposed to mean something, or be for something. When I first started my 365, there really wasn't much fear at all. I wasn't expecting to create work for anything. No one could judge my art poorly because I was literally just starting, and I wasn't working anyone expect myself. As much as I continue to try and do that, it gets significantly harder the more serious I take my work. I'm scared about people thinking I'm not good enough. The excuse that I'm new at all of this isn't true anymore, so every piece I make, I'm conscious of how people might view it. I can say that truthfully, this hasn't helped my process as much. Gone are the days when I can draw faces from pictures on the internet for hours. That's "plagiarism" according to colleges and the AP. That was my go to process. Coming up with sketches and trying to make the pieces exciting and new, that's what's scary. I liked the simplicity of what it used to be. Experimenting without judgement or consequence. I don't have a problem producing work, but I can say that I would be producing much more if I didn't have so much fear.
In regards to my tent project, a big block in that is fear. I could push myself to try and get it done, but I have almost no idea what to do with it. I've never done anything like it before, so I'm scared that I'd fail. There is research I'd have to do, and materials I'd have to gather, and then the assembly. I've come to a point where I know what I want to do, I know what I want it to look like, but I have no idea how to physically make it. Making work I'm comfortable with eliminates the need to fear it. I know how to draw a face, so doing that instead is normally what ends up happening when I work on it.
One of the best ways to work through fear, from my experience, is to work a lot on a the thing you're scared of, in tiny practices so that you can go through the failure quickly without worrying about it having consequences. Quick figure drawings are a great example. A bad thirty second gesture drawing means almost nothing because your investment was so tiny, but if you do a lot of them, then drawing bodies becomes easy and comfortable.